Meditation On Death by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche:
Virtually everything around us creates the impression in our mind that we are somehow always going to be here. And when consumer capitalism is not distracting us from the fact that we are all going to face Death one day soon, our culture tells us that it is taboo to think and talk about Death, as if just by merely thinking about it, it comes quicker. So we never really think about that one subject matter which if we did, will certainly influence the way we live.
The truth throws some heavy punches in this video. This is the "go to" video if you need a sobering up. A dharma first aid kit. It is 17 minutes of training that fine-tunes what I fear in death, and equilibrates with the courage from knowing what to do while I am still alive.
The first time I meditated on my own death per Rinpoche's video instructions, I could not complete it. I got as far as the part when I could not see, I could not move my tongue, I could not even make a sound and I could not move. The finality of everything I take for granted was overwhelming.
But what is more frightening is the realization that in death, I am still conscious of everything that is going on around me, although I am not able to do anything in response. If I had lived carelessly, it was partly because of an unsaid assumption that when I die, everything just “ends”. Blackout. It has never occurred to me that one day I will actually experience death. In my mind death is something that will happen to me, not something I will have to endure, fully conscious.
That means although I am dead, my consciousness is still very much alive and is now forced to deal with the unpleasantness that comes with death e.g.pain, regret, sorrow, anger, fear…and all this even before I worry about what happens next now that I know death isn’t the end. I am not prepared for this.
Next, I suddenly became aware that a portentous force is heading towards me and I know it will determine what happens to me next. Karma is coming home to roost now. I try to do a quick calculation of my karmic balance sheet to get a gauge of where I might end up, and of course I can't because I never really looked at the karma ledger when I was alive. And so I don't know what to expect. Or worse, I do know what to expect but it's too late to correct all the mistakes now. I thought I was going to have time.
Whenever I came out of this meditation, I am relieved (even now I smell the soil that will bury me or I choke on the fumes of the fire that burn me) and worried at the same time. This visualization on the passage of death is not entirely a pretend thing because it will happen. We will die. And even if we do the meditation half well but honestly, we will know that we are not ready for death. It scares us.
Experiencing that fear makes us think of karma differently. No more a mere concept but something real. It is only via meditation on death can we know what it is to have dharma. It is the difference between falling into the angry sea, (being blind, mute and not having any limbs) but with or without a life jacket. Either way, we are in the sea i.e. we are dead. With dharma, we have a chance of passing through the “great exam” of death and reassuming an acceptable life.
It is clear that even as we enjoy life, we should prepare for death. And there is only one way to prepare for death, that is, to know the right state of mind to be in when we realize we are dead. Only the dharma teaches that.
The idea of dharma is simple enough and yet it is very difficult to practice "Selflessness" while still carrying the 'Me' along in the practice. And because some of us are so ill equipped to deal with realities, sometime a spiritual practice can be, in truth, an ego trip in disguise. I, for one, struggle daily to catch myself and try and reconcile my worldly life and my spiritual life.
And then I remember. It is only when I was involved in dharma work when I experienced the seamlessness between the mundane and the spiritual. Only in dharma work is there no separation in the essence of the experience between, for instance, doing a puja and having a good time with friends over dinner. Only in dharma work is there that great connect...the thing that brings it all together. The thing that make spirituality part of every action and thought, worldly or religious...naturally. Whereas outside dharma work, the worldly self keeps pitching thoughts against the spiritual self and vice versa.
In dharma work, you practice without being conscious of the effort you are making to practice. I guess that makes the practice real and effective which is crucial because really, we don't have that much time left.
Still, in a few hours a new day will be before me, and it comes with another opportunity to get ready. Come to think about it, what prepares me for death also gives me a more enjoyable live. Funny how I never thought of it that way before.
Still, in a few hours a new day will be before me, and it comes with another opportunity to get ready. Come to think about it, what prepares me for death also gives me a more enjoyable live. Funny how I never thought of it that way before.
